† Origins

This is the prologue of my horror anthology, “The Nightmare Dealer.” It describes the titular entity and his purpose in the story.

I was forged from shadows and ink, merged together by the perspiration that came from fearing the unknown. Faceless, nameless, I venture these vast lands in search of spirits engulfed by flames and drowned in identical blood. When mirrors get a hold of my physical manifestation, they shatter into a million pieces and trap the image inside. Those who peer within unleash a devastating poltergeist.

I was born without mercy. With these claws, I tear open decaying carcasses and rip out their souls from within. Death was never the culprit. I ferry lost souls into new horizons. When mortals leave the land of the living and enter the realm of night, I place these souls into their mind. For a single night, their story becomes someone else’s fears. For a single night, they are able to voice their damned legacy. For a single night, they become fearful and monstrous and belligerent, veiling the truth that they have suffered so much when they were still alive.

These wandering souls are what I yearn for. These souls that have been broken down so badly that they do not know the meaning of salvation. I have no name. I have no face. I live through a body that dissolves when daybreak arrives. I collect the souls that have exhausted their entire existence being drowned in pain and I make those who sleep feel their agony.

I am the nightmare dealer. They say that hell doesn’t exist, but for just one night, I’ll prove them wrong.

(Source: jhayjhaythejetplane)

† I’m The One

See, that nigga told you that you could do better but I’m here. I’m kissing your lips and I’m embracing that fire that he once had, but he was dumb enough to let you go so let him burn himself alive. Let his guilt eat away at his soul and bury his whole esixtence alive. How fucked up of him to say that you could do better. Baby, I’m here. If he was so in love with your being, wouldn’t that be enough for him to do better?

Let him light up and smoke that kush, let him inject that venom into his bloodstream because tonight I’m making love to you while misery makes a man out of him. Let him drown his insides with patron and corona, let him pass out at midnight with nothing but loneliness on his side. Tonight, I’ll show you that I’m the one. I’ll prove to you that the moonlight shines down for us, the stars radiate for us, the night sky paints a masterpiece for us. As of this moment, he’s being consumed by darkness. As of this moment, he has no hold on you, love. Trust me when I say this.

I’m fucked up when I’m with you. You get me higher than amphetamines. You get me drunk off of your lips and addicted off of your warmth. You are that elusive, illegal drug and your exes are examples of mistakes exemplifying the reasons why you left them in the first place. They desire your inner fire, but they’re nothing but liars that deserve to burn. They yearn for what’s mine, refusing to understand the fact that you’ve left them behind.

I’m the one. I’m the one that won’t fight for you. I’ll fight with you. I’ll fight alongside you and we’ll destroy any enemy that comes after us. I’ll fight until the sun gives out.

I’ll fight for us.

† Break In

I open doors and shatter windows. You say you’re vulnerable, so you build structure that withstand even the most heroic attempts to reach your heart. You  employ the assistance of a million men, guarding the core to your soul. I just have to ask: do you hear me knocking? I won’t ask nicely the second time. I’ll break down your defense mechanism and I’ll brave the torturous labyrinth that stands between your heart and I. If I get burned in your magma, if I drown in your deluge, if I am stranded in your merciless desert, then so be it. I’ll rise above even the land of death itself to secure my place in your mind.

I belong in your heart and you know it. You locked the door and you’ve closed the windows, but I know better than to leave myself stranded outside.

I break doors open and shatter windows.

Does anyone else feel hollow? Does anyone of you out there feel so fucking empty and there’s no goddamn explanation that could follow, there’s no prognosis of any sort of sickness yet we feel sick to our stomachs and some cry our hearts out in hopes that their tears will make it all better but it doesn’t? We have an inborn sickness. It’s a fault in our heart’s seemingly perfect design. It’s prone to sadness. We’re infected with grief, and sometimes, it comes without no explanation at all.

So we spend our nights wasted on sighs, our breaths becoming one with the frigid midnight breeze as our mind dwells on what could have been a happily ever after, but our heart knows that they don’t exist. So we exhaust our emotions on sorrow and misery and we smile to fake that we’re not paining. But who are we kidding? We’re all lonely somehow.

Maybe we can be lonely together, you and I.

† Inside

Strip away the hundred dollar outfit you have on and I’ll take in your nudity as a sign that we all don’t need money and materialistic accessories, it’ll all end in the same manner as you take my hand and show me your darkest sins. Imperfections are only skin deep, but watch that fade away as I go deeper and you take me to that place where physical perfection is unneccessary. I’m feeding off of your emotions, letting you have all of me. I don’t need your skin, I don’t need your flawless body, I just need the fire that dwells inside of you. Your internal thirst: I want to quench it.

I want to drown you in what matters versus the superficiality that we all have come to worship. Lust is a sin, but love is just as toxic. So take my hand and take me inside of you. Transcend past the bullshit. Die the most perfect of deaths, as I take my final breath and you exhaust all of my energy. Lie with me in this makeshift fort of sheets and skin. I’ll be forever grateful for showing me what’s within.

“Don’t be silly,” she said, giving me that slight stare of sympathy. “Words can’t kill you.”

She, meaning society itself. She, meaning every fucking person in the world who underestimates the brutal force that can come from spoken flames and written pain. See, some of you just don’t get it. Physical pain heals after a short amount of time. You can stab me, shoot me, slice me, Trust me, I’ll rise again. But words… they’re deadly. Words can transform into the most lethal venom and seep into your bloodstream. You’ll be writhing on the floor, choking on your own blood and foaming at the mouth. Words can forge itself as the single bullet that ends your life. Words can become the demons that pushes you over the ledge. But worst of all, lies formed from words can become truths. 

You all underestimate the power of words. You insult and you bash and you destroy souls with your ink and voice, but you never anticipate the outcome. Words do kill. Words mutilate souls and shatter hearts and leave you gasping for air. It will watch as you close your eyes for the final time and it will listen closely for your final breath.

† Hopeless Love 01

Caught in the strobelights, trapped in the seemingly nonexistent hold of the dancefloor, he watched as she was stolen by a stranger’s arms. She was a fucking angel in a world where they were a myth and he was nothing more than an extra in her starring role. He was consumed by temptation, devoured by the thoughts of what could be, but with their social separation, who was he kidding when he thought he could have a shot?

Cupid aimed high and struck his heart, totally missed hers though. He was barely making it through the week, got a crumpled 20 in his pocket and his rent was due in a few days. He spent all his money on some dank ass weed, drank his night away with a bottle of week old tequila that he found in the streets. Envied the way that the homeless seemed to smile despite the darkness that surrounded their cloudy future, envied the way strangers in the night took the hands of their partners, envied the way the deceased no longer have to deal with the bullshit that he had to put up with. Envied every moving thing on earth but the reflection in the mirror.

It was a hopeless love. She didn’t even know he existed. Didn’t even know that every piece of poetry he pulled out of his soul was dedicated to her. Didn’t even recognize that they were once inseparable in their youthful days. She rose to fame, he drowned in sorrow. She saw lights of fame and he gave in to lightless nights.

This was a hopeless love. There’s no happy ending. There’s no turning point where she’d reciprocate his feelings. This world wasn’t built on the blueprints of a fairy tale. That’s the sick truth.

Are you purposely closing your fucking eyes? Are you purposely shutting out your ability to hear? I can tell by the way you act that you’re fearful of falling. Got your walls up so high that you’re practically impenetrable. Your defenses, they never fail to bottle up your emotions but I’m hoping that I could be the one to change your perspective. I’m hoping that I could rewrite your history of pain and show you what more there is to gain. You’re afraid of love and I understand why… but I gotta ask you this:

Could I be the reason you give it another try?

Fall for me, I’ll catch you. Never let the ground or gravity break you. Your heart is a treasure and I’ll defend it with my life. Fuck the strife, fuck the world’s cruel judgement. As long as you’re mine, it’ll all be worth it. 

(Source: jhayrusalem)

† In Sanity.

Sick is the new sane. Let me sharpen my knife and load the guns long gone from public sight. Assemble the weapons that I thought I’d never have to use. I’ll assault you with all I got, enslave you and use you and abuse you until you beg for forgiveness. I’ll make you think that you’ll be able to get it.

I just want to finish you. I want to make you bleed as you’ve done to me. I just wanted to make love to you, I just wanted to love you. Now look what you’ve done. Now you’re the victim. Now you’re at my mercy.

† Evol.

Quench my thirst. I’ve been suffering for so long.
Who knew that the world would be so outraged by a simple kiss? He allowed his lover to take control of his flames, consumed him with that one act of love that they were never allowed to share in public. With a single kiss, it was as if his sins were pilfered and destroyed, as if the shadows that had threatened to assasinate him just faded away. In that precise moment, all seemed well… until the world ceased the state of ignorance and all eyes turned on them.

I don’t want to hide in the shadows anymore.
I want to make love to you in the presence of light. 
All the eyes, filled with despise, filled with judgement, filled with hatred for two strangers that they hadn’t even known for two seconds. A single act of romance in this world where they hunt down lover and heavily mutilate it. Acceptance doesn’t come easily when the world’s religion condemns it.

Why can’t they just leave us alone?
who’s to say that what we have is wrong?
Because he was a man and his heart loved a man and mankind despises that which  goes against His teachings. A simple kiss, an act of love, somehow turned into sacrilege. Somehow manifested as an act of sin.

Ease my pain. With you by my side, everything seems all right.

† Killer.

So you think love is that light at the end of the tunnel? You think that by surrounding yourself in this almost ethereal radiance of emotion, you’ll be saved? You’re dead wrong. Loving someone means taking the biggest risk of your life. Loving someone means surrendering your soul and renders your ability to stay alive on your own. Loving someone means that you no longer have the power to defend your heart; you just gave someone else a gun and your best bet is to hope that they’ll never ever pull the trigger.

You all think it’s so damn easy, that happily ever after exists in the final page… You think that love is a sanctuary, but I’ve been there and back and I can tell you that it is hell incarnate. It will attempt to swallow you whole and burn you alive within its infernos. Love is a drug more dangerous than ketamines or amphetamines, more addicting than nicotine, more murderous than the most deranged serial killers. Love is a hell from which there is no escaping. You’ll find yourself scarred and vulnerable and hurt. You’ll find yourself at the mercy of the very person you cared for, but in the end  a trigger will always be pulled. You’ll be out of luck. You’ll be shattered and broken and unfixable. (If it comforts you in any way, we all bleed so we know, even if it was only at one point, that it was real).

You think love is the light at the end of the tunnel, so you step onto the path and walk towards it. Little did you know, that it isn’t the light you were hoping for. Love… is a train. Speeding at 140 miles per hour, heading in your direction. What you hoped to be your only salvation instead became your destruction.

† Again.

I’d like to think that our lives collided at an uncertain moment in time. We exchanged glances at the wrong moment, we held on for the wrong reasons and our souls embraced incorrectly. I’d like to think that fate screwed us over, because we were never meant to see perfection at that precise moment. But we did, and we held on, and I surrendered myself to you. Fate willed you to destroy what we had and walk away. Fate willed us to correct its mistakes.

That night, I was a broken man. They say that hope shines brighter than fate itself, so I told myself repeatedly that I hoped to see you again. If ever our paths cross again, I’d like to believe that the moment would be right. I’d like to believe that our past would just fade away and you’d look into my eyes once more as you did the first time, but in this second reincarnation of our shattered story, you’d hold on and never let me go. 

I’d like to think that we met in the wrong circumstances, and fate willed us to correct its mistakes. A day, a month, a year, a decade from now, I’d like to believe that we’ll meet again.

† XOXO

Because I’m the best when it’s in my system, corrupting my emotion like its some defense mechanism. When reality takes over and I have no control over any aspect, the pill becomes that sought after elixir, the cure to everything. And when it’s in me, it feels better to be in you. It kind of puts an end to all the shit we’ve been through and every breath I take is one to treasure. Every noise you make ups the stake and the pleasure. I never was one to turn to such drastic forms of instant happiness, but the high is great and lately I’ve been so damn low. You could have been my drug, you could have been my addiction but instead you only call me up now and then and after the deed is done, you disappear into the night and I’m left alone once more.

Blowing O’s in the corner, I think I’ve grown used to solitude. No sleep for days, blame it on some cheap adderrall. Up the dosage so I can deal with this. Up the dosage so that sleep becomes something legendary. Up the dosage so I can watch night turn into day without ever letting my eyes control my vision. I’d really love to have one of those fucked up realizations as reality fades away and my fantasy takes over.

We became renegades in a world where playing it safe was key to survival. We pilfered kisses and massacred lies, we gutted each other so we were able to truly see what was inside. We bathed in blood and rinsed off with tears. While the others turned to religion, I found hell within her. I found flames of passion, I found the river of Styx embedded in her words and I felt Lucifer when we locked lips. I saw the Armageddon flash before my eyes when I gazed inside of her window.

She’s darkness in physical form. I fall into curiosity’s trap and I opened Pandora’s box, but who wouldn’t be tempted when beauty presented itself? We committed the unthinkable. I fell in love with evil while others worshipped the good. I made love to her imperfections while others feared them.

We were renegades, until the world conquered us. We were renegades, until the world condemned us.